Here Dili attempts to steal the FA Cup.

Here Dili attempts to steal the FA Cup.

Dili - president and evil mastermind

Age: 5781

Hometown: Southern Rim of the Lake of Fire

Favorite Player: Marouane Chamakh

Favorite Arsenal Moment: League Cup Final, 2011

How You Came to Love Arsenal: After I absorbed the soul of Stan Kroenke in 2007, I decided to look into his business interests.

Top 3 Hobbies: Afflicting the weak, amassing minions, ruling over all I see

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: How easily they bow to my wishes

Matt is the friendly face of the Chicago Gooners.

Matt is the friendly face of the Chicago Gooners.

Matt - vices president

Age: Eleventy-one

Hometown: Bag End

Favorite Player: Gervinho

Favorite Arsenal Moment: The 1972 Centenary FA Cup Final

How You Came to Love Arsenal: My dad's family is from Leeds, so Arsenal was a natural choice.

Top 3 Hobbies: Avarice, Gluttony, Sloth

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: They give me many chances to indulge in vices throughout the year.

Tommy is surprised and alarmed by newfangled technology such as phones with cameras.

Tommy is surprised and alarmed by newfangled technology such as phones with cameras.

TOMMY - BARFLY

Age: 47

Hometown: Chicago

Favorite Player: Sébastien Squillaci

Favorite Arsenal Moment: That one guy scored a pretty sweet goal that one time.

How You Came to Love Arsenal: I like beer.  They said I could drink beers in the morning if I watched the Arsenal.  Now I drink beers in the morning.

Top 3 Hobbies: crocheting, croquet, and croquettes

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: They make my own alcoholism seem less raging.

Yes.  Meredith is judging you now.

Yes.  Meredith is judging you now.

meredith - disciplinarian

Age: A Gentleman never asks, and a Lady never tells

Hometown: No fixed abode

Favorite Player: André Santos

Favorite Arsenal Moment: Arsenal v Stoke - Feb 27, 2010

How You Came to Love Arsenal: To spite my Spurs-loving ex

Top 3 Hobbies: Smoking, intimidating men, ham radio

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: I'm more normal than half of them.

He just wants to be a wizard.

He just wants to be a wizard.

ian - web slinger

Age: Can play anything from 25 to 40, really

Hometown: 4 Privet Drive

Favorite Player: Kim Källström

Favorite Arsenal Moment: Any time Wenger tries to zip his coat

How You Came to Love Arsenal: I wandered into the Globe on my way back from a bar early on a Saturday and found out I could keep partying if I started watching Arsenal.

Top 3 Hobbies: Water polo, Glockenspiel, Topiaries

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: I never had many friends growing up.  Now I have lots of people who I watch sports with.  I guess they're kind of like friends?

Madison would like to wish you all the very best.

Madison would like to wish you all the very best.

Madison - philanthropy queen

Age: Older every day

Hometown: Here and there, mostly

Favorite Player: About Diaby

Favorite Arsenal Moment: That 2012 League Cup match against Bradford City

How You Came to Love Arsenal: While acknowledging the cold, meaningless existence we call life, I like the idea of a club that can't seem to make it past the Champions League round of 16.

Top 3 Hobbies: Ukulele, Dominoes (the game), Dominoes (the pizza)

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: If I get up early, get drunk, and yell at my TV on my own, I'm insane. With these people I'm part of something that's collectively less insane.