Here Dili attempts to steal the FA Cup.

Here Dili attempts to steal the FA Cup.

Dili - president and evil mastermind

Age: 5781

Hometown: Southern Rim of the Lake of Fire

Favorite Player: Marouane Chamakh

Favorite Arsenal Moment: League Cup Final, 2011

How You Came to Love Arsenal: After I absorbed the soul of Stan Kroenke in 2007, I decided to look into his business interests.

Top 3 Hobbies: Afflicting the weak, amassing minions, ruling over all I see

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: How easily they bow to my wishes

 Here, the Matt attracts a mate by flashing his colorful head flags.

Here, the Matt attracts a mate by flashing his colorful head flags.

Matt - vices president

Age: Eleventy-one

Hometown: Bag End

Favorite Player: Gervinho

Favorite Arsenal Moment: The 1972 Centenary FA Cup Final

How You Came to Love Arsenal: My dad's family is from Leeds, so Arsenal was a natural choice.

Top 3 Hobbies: Avarice, Gluttony, Sloth

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: They give me many chances to indulge in vices throughout the year.

 Tommy is surprised and alarmed by newfangled technology such as phones with cameras.

Tommy is surprised and alarmed by newfangled technology such as phones with cameras.

TOMMY - BARFLY

Age: 47

Hometown: Chicago

Favorite Player: Sébastien Squillaci

Favorite Arsenal Moment: That one guy scored a pretty sweet goal that one time.

How You Came to Love Arsenal: I like beer.  They said I could drink beers in the morning if I watched the Arsenal.  Now I drink beers in the morning.

Top 3 Hobbies: crocheting, croquet, and croquettes

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: They make my own alcoholism seem less raging.

Fun Fact: Not actually a Chicago Gooners board member. Just here for the beer.

 Yes.  Meredith is judging you now.

Yes.  Meredith is judging you now.

meredith - disciplinarian

Age: A Gentleman never asks, and a Lady never tells

Hometown: No fixed abode

Favorite Player: André Santos

Favorite Arsenal Moment: Arsenal v Stoke - Feb 27, 2010

How You Came to Love Arsenal: To spite my Spurs-loving ex

Top 3 Hobbies: Smoking, intimidating men, ham radio

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: I'm more normal than half of them.

 
 
 Cale understands the forbidden love between a man and a stuffed bear.

Cale understands the forbidden love between a man and a stuffed bear.

CALE - ragin' cajun

Age: 127 in dog years

Hometown: Gooner Gras

Favorite Player: Yaya Sanogo

Favorite Arsenal Moment: Also Gooner Gras

How You Came to Love Arsenal: Finally found an excuse to drink during the difficult-to-justify 6-11AM hours.

Top 3 Hobbies: Airboat racing, gumbo preparation, whittling

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: All the singing.

 Jim is also known for his insightful football commentary on TV.

Jim is also known for his insightful football commentary on TV.

Jim -centre back

Age: My agent says I can play anything from 26 to 40

Hometown: Chicago

Favorite Player: Kim Källström

Favorite Arsenal Moment: Herbert Chapman introducing the WM formation

How You Came to Love Arsenal: Long story, but it was on a dare.

Top 3 Hobbies: Ballroom dancing, blacksmithing, basket-weaving

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: The breakfast sandwiches

 No, Homeless Dave can't afford any more buttons.

No, Homeless Dave can't afford any more buttons.

homeless dave - equipment manager

Age: Huh?  I dunno.

Hometown: Down by the river

Favorite Player: Özil

Favorite Arsenal Moment: Winning the league in '89

How You Came to Love Arsenal: I like the red shirts.

Top 3 Hobbies: Real estate development, networking, synergy

Favorite Thing About Chicago Gooners: It's nice and warm.